Optimism, seriousness key in healthy dating
Published: Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Updated: Wednesday, August 29, 2012 16:08
There are so many unwritten rules when it comes to the dating world, that they don’t seem to surface until you begin dating someone new.
Many like to say that when it comes to dating, it should be a strategic game that has to be played carefully by all parties involved so no one’s feelings will get hurt.
The truth is however that hearts can be stepped on, even unintentionally sometimes.
Such failure can make it difficult to embark on new relationships.
A dark, massive subliminal grudge manifests in the chests of the naïve and broken-hearted who almost seriously think they are playing this “game” more serious-like than figuratively.
We think about our past lovers and how the previous relationships ended up as failures and what techniques can be applied to avoid that.
Few people conclude that simple rules and normal rhetoric can mend any relationship problems that have risen before.
Instead of diving into something new, the alternative choice would be to stand in the shallow end and tiptoe along the perimeter to make sure not to fall in and risk getting messy.
For example, I was my own rule-maker and said things to others who asked about the guys I would be seeing: “Oh, we’re just dating.” Or, “he’s not really my boyfriend. We’re just friends,” I would tell them.
I wanted it to be clear, I was no one’s property.
I dreaded the idea of being tied to one person again to only be asked numerous questions if the relationship didn’t work out. So I made the notion that I found it unnecessary for anything serious and openly went on dates with other people so long as I told the person I primarily dated. He liked me enough to comply with these terms and soon began an “open dating season.”
It was fun for a little while and I stood by temporary romance principles for what I thought was harmless times.
But it got messy, very messy.
While he and I never spoke about our status, we still spent enough time together, that the labels girlfriend and boyfriend were the only things missing.
We inevitability became closer. A potential other emerged and my love interest began to question how long he could put up my distaste for the idea of long-term commitment. I didn’t want to lose him over being stubborn and afraid.
Eventually, I gave in and ceased with my foolish whims of the ideas of staying somewhat single and using vague terms of endearment after months of seeing him.
We’ve been “official” since. Everyone is different and it doesn’t hurt to be in a few relationships to find the right person. You can’t expect the next person you are seeing to be the exact replica of your ex, throw those expectations away. Redefining what you want in a relationship is different from setting yourself up for disaster with faulty requirements to date multiple people at once. It’s good to discuss reasonable standards to be upheld by both you and your current lover.
The human heart is strong and muscular. It’s meant to go through rigorous activities, which includes anguish. It should be able to handle a few heartbreaks in its lifetime before finding someone you are intellectually and emotionally in tune with.
So if you’re going to date, then date. If you fail, just retry. Don’t make a game out of it.
You might just end up losing completely.