Three's company

In a perfect world every mother and father would be able to conceive a child of their own.

Sadly, the world is far from perfect, and not every couple is able to have a child.

That’s when adoption becomes an option for many husbands and wives.

According to creatingafamily.org, adoption numbers in the U.S. are not always accurate, but about 130,000 children are adopted each year.

Once partners decide to adopt a child, they’re not only fulfilling a dream of their own, but also the dream of a child who has longed to be a part of a family.

After deciding on a child to adopt, the decision of whether to have an open or closed adoption comes into play.

If a family chooses an open adoption, they give the birth parents the right to still be in the child’s life.

As for a closed adoption, the birth parents are relinquishing all parental rights, and will not be able to have any contact with the child.

One would assume these couples are looking to form that unique bond that parents and offspring share, and by choosing to have a closed adoption, they give themselves the best chance to secure that dream.

One might think that having an open adoption is a good thing in the sense that the birth parents are able to stay in the child’s life, while a husband and wife get the child they’ve always wanted.

In reality open adoptions are more likely to complicate things rather than make things better.

In an article titled “Risk and Benefits of Open Adoption,” Marianne Berry, Ph.D., states, “The biggest risk of open adoption postulated by most adoption professionals is that it will interfere with the process of bonding between adoptive parents and child.”

Unfortunately, partners who want closed adoptions are seen as selfish people, when all they want is a child to love as their own.

Through no fault of their own, a lot of these adolescents possess certain disorders that these newly formed families have to overcome, such as reactive attachment disorder, which results from an interruption in the bonding cycle.

Executive Director of Maple Star Foster Program Debi Grebenik said, “Adoptive children are more likely to exhibit emotional, behavioral and educational problems than children who are raised by their biological parents.”

When partners adopt a child, they are knowingly taking on the responsibilities that come with raising offspring.

These couples don’t agree to dealing with individuals that want to be part-time parents, which defeats the whole purpose of adoption.

Wanting to be the only parental figure in your child’s life, whether it is a conceived child or an adopted child, is perfectly normal.

These couples who adopt children face the challenge of gaining the trust and love biological parents naturally have with their young.

When biological parents want to stay in a child’s life, they stop this process from happening.

Whether an infant or a young child, the transition from being the child of birth parents to the child of complete strangers is unimaginable.

Having the biological parents remain in the child’s life prolongs the foundation for a healthy, loving family unit.

The quantity of time adoptive parents spend with their children is paramount, and sharing that quality time with birth parents could be detrimental to the relationship.

Occasional involvement with the birth parents could have a negative effect on the child’s self-esteem.

When they get older they might think, “What’s wrong with me? How come these people only want to be my mom and dad sometimes?”

Parents give up their children for various reasons.

They might be too young, have a drug or alcohol addiction, or lead an unstable lifestyle.

By having a closed adoption and keeping these unfit individuals out of the child’s life, adoptive parents are keeping their children out of harm’s way and creating a better chance of becoming the family they always wanted.